1. He’s not that into you.
I’m going to jump right in and state the obvious, if a man hasn’t married you, chances are he doesn’t really want to. A truly committed man will do whatever it takes to make his woman happy, including marrying her. If you’ve expressed that you want to get married he will either; honestly explain why it’s not the right time, argue about how unimportant marriage is or avoid the topic altogether. If he settles on the latter two reasons, this is a clear sign you’re not the one for him.
Tip: Listen to your head and not your heart. There are truly other fish in the sea and undoubtedly a better match awaits you.
2. You don’t need him.
Every man on this earth wants to feel like he’s needed. The provider, the protector, the shoulder to lean on, these principles are always constant in men. Today’s woman, often has no choice in being independent. They may have been forced into that role, by a man who has wronged her. Ladies it’s important to know that your independence can be seen as a hindrance. A man will instinctually feel like he doesn’t have anything to offer an independent woman. This explains why a lot of men “date down” or settle for women who are less independent. If you don’t need him for anything, what value can he bring to your life or marriage.
Tip: The independent woman should attempt to include her man in her life. Whether it’s inviting him to attend a business trip with you, bouncing your business plans off him while laying in bed, or having him guest blog on your site, your man wants to be included and feel like he’s your partner not a passenger.
3. You’re a liability.
The older a man gets, the more he realizes that he’s not only marrying you, but he’s marrying everything about you. Unfortunately the older the woman, the more baggage she collects. Most of this baggage is emotional, but men consider other factors. Do you have excessive debt or spending habits? Several children (not his) or other life altering responsibilities he doesn’t want? These are reasons a calculating man will have, for not marrying you.
Tip: Try to better yourself before you get into a serious relationship. Make yourself a more attractive mate by clearing up some of those negatives in you life. Then you will be looked at as an asset and not a liability.
4. You’re an urgent dater, he’s just dating.
Many women find dating to be exhaustive and are in a hurry to find out where the relationship is going. This could be because of social pressures, biological factors or because she recently attended a friend’s wedding. Whatever the reason, she need answers now. Is he the one? We should move-in together? Men are less likely to feel the same type of internal pressure and are comfortable waiting and seeing where the relationship goes. This urgent type of dating is sure to scare men off and could definitely make a potential life partner feel hurried.
Tip: Only date men who are in a similar place in life, have the same thoughts on relationships, time frame for dating and overall philosophies on marriage.
5. You’re already somewhat married.
You’re a good couple, people sometimes think you’re married, you share a residence, bills, maybe children. You have taken the traditional wifely qualities and made them girlfriend duties. Why would he risk marrying you and ruining a good thing. The boundary lines of relationship versus marriage are so blurred it’s easy to see why men would choose to maintain the relationship and not chance marriage.
Be careful, as your lives become more intertwined, it becomes increasingly difficult to leave. You will wake up five years into the relationship, with extreme regret and remorse.
Tip: I advise against living together or “shacking up“. This creates an atmosphere of comfort that any man would relish. Try to keep some things separate.
6. He’s afraid you will leave him.
Any man who has thought about marriage unfortunately thinks about divorce. It is a constant reality. Most relationships end, so what makes yours any different? Are you able to handle the many interpersonal disagreement that a relationship can bring? This is a huge consideration, because conflict resolution is vital in maintaining a healthy relationship. How do you handle adversity? How are your coping skills? Do you lash out during arguments? Do you withhold intimacy as a punishment? The more volatile you are during an argument, the more he will think about the relationship ending as a result of it.
Tip: Try to argue without fighting. Learn to approach situations with the best intentions. Remember every argument is like a fire. You have two buckets at your disposal. A bucket of water or a bucket of gasoline. Try putting the fire out as opposed to starting an inferno.
7. You haven’t laid it down.
If he hasn’t married you after a few years, he probably won’t. Put the reality losing you on the table and if he truly loves and values you, he will marry you. Many women wait eternities and spend their good years, on a guy who has no intention of marrying her. Regardless of what others may say, give him that ultimatum and leave him if he doesn’t step up.
Tip: Discuss marriage during non-pressure situations or conversations. Make him understand there is a difference between pressure and your expectations.
8. You’re not his first choice.
Everyone references their past when thinking about present and future relationships. If your man is constantly bringing up how great his ex-girlfriend or ex-fiance was, this may be cause for alarm. Although it’s out of your control, you may be in love with him, but he’s in love with a memory. This will manifest as your man comparing you to this ex; trying to change core things about you and lastly attempting to mold you into a replica of her.
Tip: If a man attempts to change who you are, that’s a big red flag. Any person who truly loves you, will accept your positive qualities and work with you on the negative ones. This does not mean trying to change the core of who you are. Consequently, always examine yourself and attempt to change any negative qualities. Do not pridefully hold on to negative characteristics. There’s nothing wrong with changing for the better.
9. You don’t care about your boundaries, why should he?
You had a list of rules, regulations, policies and procedures to follow, but put your standards aside, early in the relationship. He sees this and gets great pleasure out of breaking all the rules, you put in place. He doesn’t see you as a strong woman, he sees you as a doormat. He will use you and ultimately leave you for a woman who challenges him, doesn’t accept his nonsense and one who would actually leave him.
Tip: There is a fine line between compromising and being walked over. Don’t settle for less and let that great guy fall into your standards.
10. Your attitude needs an adjustment
Most men will list this as their number one reason for not marrying you. He doesn’t like your attitude. This is such a touchy subject because your attitude is who you are, it identifies you and many times keeps you safe. However, I’ve found that most confident woman don’t need to be pushy or rude to be strong.
Tip: Try not to confuse being strong with being combative or argumentative. Real strength comes from within. Examine yourself and make adjustments accordingly.
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